“You didn’t think we’d forget, did you?” purred an ad I got from Victoria’s Secret this month, offering me $10 toward a birthday gift for myself. (Disclaimer: I hasten to add that I have never set foot in a Victoria’s Secret store, just in case anyone was wondering…)

Later I was flipping through a magazine and saw an ad for a credit card: “We’ll have you at hello,” it promised.

Who do these companies think they are, that they can pass themselves off as the equivalent of, or even a better alternative to, a significant other?

I suppose they have something right, that they understand the value of relationships and assume that we want them. But to present themselves in the terms that we generally reserve for lovers is an invitation to consumers to see them as a cheap, easy substitute for human relationships. We’ll woo you and make you as happy as if you were in love. We’ll show you the kind of thoughtfulness you want on your special day.

No thanks. Your love is going to go unrequited.

Dear readers, have you seen any ads like these?